What To Do When You're Overwhelmed With Life

Raise your hand if you’re feeling overwhelmed with life?

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but when life hands us a couple extra curveballs (or even when it’s just a normal day!) - we can be left feeling depleted on a good day and staying under the covers on a tough day. So what to do when you’re overwhelmed with life? Let’s start with the culprits - what’s adding to your overwhelm?

What is making you feel overwhelmed with life?

Culprit #1: Too much is on your plate

You wake up on Friday feeling pumped about the weekend only to fall asleep on Sunday not totally sure where your weekend went. Friday starts and you made sure to not only see your friends, talk to your best friend who lives across the country, help move your neighbor out of their apartment (and don’t forget to catch up on the work you didn’t finish on Friday!) Did you breathe during any of that? It makes sense that by Sunday night (and definitely on Monday morning when you hit snooze on the alarm) that you’re overwhelmed with life and the start of a new week.

Culprit #2: Not enough boundaries

Let’s go through another scenario. You told your friend that you would zoom with her at 6:00pm and then meet your partner in the park for a picnic at 7:00pm. You are feeling overwhelmed with the day and really need some quiet space, but told your Mom that it’s ok for her to come over for a socially distanced dinner. Your friend is going through a hard time and while you want to be there for her you’re also feeling exhausted from ongoing emotional labor. What do all these scenarios have in common? Boundaries! Or lack of boundaries. Feeling overwhelmed with life and few boundaries is a recipe for stress and anxiety. 

Culprit #3: Fear of saying no

Ok, going back to the prior situations, another theme is a fear of saying no. Setting limits and saying no are both concepts that our society doesn’t always support. But what would happen if you said no in all of the situations above? Would that overwhelm still be there? 

Culprit #4: Fast paced world

Let’s face it, life is exhausting. if you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, you’re not alone in that. The ongoing connection to the news, social media, ever-changing world dynamics, real fears, along with expectations that you will continue to move forward in your career, love life, friendships, etc is EXHAUSTING. So it’s ok if you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. That’s normal. The expectations are unrealistic. You’re doing a good job. But finding that balance is so important - to figure out what works for you. 

What to do when you’re overwhelmed with life?

Alright, so what do we do with all this so that you aren’t feeling so overwhelmed, so that you can set your own boundaries, and lean into the beauty that is, “no.” 

Solution #1: Smash the plate - or at least get a smaller plate

Start by taking an inventory of what is going on in your life. Write each and every thing down that you have been doing (and include the things that you feel like you “should” be doing as well). Now step back and look at it all. Does it make sense why you are feeling overwhelmed with life? How much space are all those things taking up in your life? Now prioritize three things that feel MOST important to you and cross out anything that you don’t want anymore. Whatever doesn’t fall into the priority list and whatever isn’t crossed out might need more boundaries around it. 

Solution #2: Practice saying no

Setting limits with yourself and other people is such an important way to decrease the overwhelm in your life. Boundaries include saying no, ensuring that your needs are met first, setting limits, taking care of yourself and ultimately understanding that when you do all of this it might also piss people off. And I’m here to tell you that’s ok. People might get upset when you say no and that doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. It just means that you are setting the boundaries that you need. So when your friend asks to zoom at 6pm and then your partner wants to meet at 7:00pm, pick which one feels more needed that day and say no to the other. 

Solution #3: Find your own space

I can’t stress enough how important finding your own space is when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. It’s also important to recognize how challenging that can be when our home space has turned into our work space/home space/relationship space. Then if you add other humans to this scenario it’s easy to create instant overwhelm. So where can you create your own space? Is there a small corner of your bedroom that can feel sacred? Is there a tree in your local park that feels rejuvenating and whose roots you can feel moving through the earth? Is there a bench that has a view that helps you feel present? Whatever it is, get creative. And acknowledge too when the version of “space” that you want, isn’t what is currently possible. Recognize that the goal isn’t to achieve a perfect space, but to figure out what would be good enough?

Solution #4: Slow down

Take a deep breath. I bet you ignored me the first time, so pause and try again. Breathing and slowing down is so important right now. It’s important to stay informed more than ever, but not at the cost of your own well being. So, it’s important to find the balance. Can you limit how often you check-in on social media and the news to only 30 minutes a day? After that’s over, take a moment to pause and see what you need. It’s so easy to get up in the fast pace of our world and so taking inventory of what’s working and what isn’t is even more important. So where can you slow down and let go a little bit?

What now?

So, what to do when you’re overwhelmed with life? There is no perfect answer here, but it’s most important to check-in with yourself and figure out what works for you. We’re all different, but the most important thing is to offer yourself compassion and understanding as you navigate figuring out what works and what doesn’t.